Tarot Reading - Cybele

Cybele asks:

How can I best show up for my daughter who is struggling with anxiety?

I asked a clarifying question to follow up. This reader lives in Los Angeles, but she, her family, and her home are safe. Her daughter's struggles with anxiety have been going on for some time now (meaning they are not specifically fire-related).

For this reading I used The Lioness Oracle by Alejandra Luisa León.

Card 1 - Current Situation - Three of Swords

The three of swords is a card of heartbreak and grief. Swords are the suit of air, communication, and thought. I sense that your heartbreak at watching your daughter struggle leaves you feeling like you're unable to reach her through your usual lines of communication. Unlike the five of cups, which is also a card about grief, the three of swords comes from a pain of the mind. You are struggling to figure out how to communicate with your daughter, and also to ease the anguish of her own anxious mind. It's painful, stressful, and whatever pain she is going through feels difficult to reach.

Because you live in Los Angeles, I'm sure you're also struggling with feelings of hopelessness and betrayal. Our home and our city is burning. We're all trying to do what we can to cope with the stress and heartbreak. Parenting on top of all of that, especially parenting a kid who has been going through it, feels really scary right now. I'm right there with you. You need to have some space to grieve, mourn, and scream into the ether. This definitely feels like a moment to secure your mask before helping others.

Card 2 - Challenge - Page of Wands

The Page of Wands is a fiery young person. The Court Cards often stand in for people, and I think in this case, this card might be your daughter. The Page of Wands is a beautiful card – she's passionate, creative, funny, enthusiastic, impulsive, excited. Wands are the suit of fire, passion, creativity, and energy. Fire also creates anxiety (don't we know it), a churn in the chest and mind that can quickly grow out of control. I often think of my own anxiety as fiery – one small ember, an errant thought, can quickly grow if I'm not able to address it right away.

Part of how you can help your daughter will be balancing that fire, providing opportunities for grounding, nurturing, bringing in the elements of earth and water (on a practical level, this can be literal – for example, is there somewhere she can go swimming?). Fire is out of control, but earth moves slower, and water rambles, spreading out to fill whatever contains it. Your daughter's operating system is running at too high a speed. Her beautiful creativity and active imagination are also betraying her in this moment – I often remind myself that all creativity begins as an intrusive thought. As you get older, you're able to harness these intrusive thoughts, create some distance, understand that just because a thought enters your mind doesn't make it true. I know that the moment I was able to start harnessing my intrusive thoughts and thinking of them instead as inspiration for fictional stories, my anxiety began a superpower. Your daughter is still a beginner (and a child). But maybe, if it appeals to her, harnessing some of that creativity into artistic expression – drawing, stories, even just play – will help her process and slow down her fiery (creative! brilliant!) brain.

Card 3 - Need to Focus On - Four of Cups

The four of cups is ennui, low grade depression, a feeling of just not being all there. It's not a major depressive episode or catastrophic loss. It's a feeling that's lingering in the background. You may be feeling exhausted, unmotivated, or depleted. Even things that used to appeal may have lost some of their luster. This is a temporary feeling, but one you should not ignore. Allow yourself some grace. Your love for your daughter is clear, and she feels it. Even when it feels like you are having trouble reaching her, she still knows in her bones that you love her. You may need some extra rest, a long hot bath, an hour to yourself, not to work but just to sit in silence and stare at a wall. If you can get some time for yourself, take it. And if you can't, try to make some time. The four of cups is an unsettling feeling, one that is easy to try to push aside or deny, but denial will only allow it to grow.

Card 4 - Your Past/Leaving - Knight of Pentacles

The Knight of Pentacles is practical, a hard worker, gung-ho and physically capable. Knights look before they leap. They are forceful and occasionally obstinate. They do not wait for opportunities to come to them, but instead they take matters into their own hands. Pentacles are the suit of the body, work and the material world. This card may indicate that you are moving out of a phase of prioritizing work and into a phase of prioritizing feelings and relationships. That doesn't necessarily mean you won't be working, but that you may need some spiritual rest in order to fill your coffers.

I know that I haven't gotten a single piece of writing done (except this newsletter) since the fires began. But I have made over a dozen "witch bells." Take with that what you will (maybe I need to be committed). It's okay to circle the wagons right now and keep your people safe and cozy while we navigate a chaotic and scary time.

Card 5 - Strengths - The Chariot

The Chariot is a master of forward momentum. You are practical and pragmatic. You are the master of your destiny and even when things feel chaotic, you are able to keep the trains running. This card reminds us that the Charioteer doesn't need a tight grip on the reins, because he feels confident that the chariot he's driving is headed in the direction of his goals.

The Tarot suggests that even though you may feel like things are hard or falling apart, you are creating a sense of safety, security, and routine for your family. Your daughter trusts that everything will be okay, and though her anxieties sometimes get the best of her, you are a steadying and comforting force. I know for myself (and my anxious child), routines are key, and you are clearly good at providing those boundaries and expectations for your child. They will help you moving forward. Predictable routines will create a safety net that will help her to contain her wildest intrusive thoughts. In moments when she feels she cannot trust her mind, she knows that she can trust you.

Card 6 - Near Future - The Hermit

In the near future, the cards suggest you'll experience spiritual growth through inner work. The Hermit goes deep into his own psyche and intuition and grows in the process. The journey the Hermit takes is unknown – he heads out into the dark with only a lantern to guide him. But he isn't afraid. He stays curious, he trusts his gut, and he feels his way through the woods. This card suggests slowing down, getting quiet, listening to your heart, following your instincts. There are two major suggestions in this spread that your intuition should guide you with your daughter. Both this card and the next one are about listening to that small voice inside of you, the one who's knowledge has some unknown, almost divine origin. You cannot solve your daughter's anxiety for her, but you can get quiet and try to listen. You can share your experiences. You can validate her feelings while still reminding her that thoughts are not reality and you have things under control. This spread definitely suggests listening to your intuition and not relying too heavily on what outside folks say. You know your daughter, and as long as you can provide her with a sense of safety and routine, she's going to be okay.

Card 7 - Advice - The High Priestess

The High Priestess is probably my favorite card in the deck, and she is in the position of Advice. She is your greatest teacher in this moment. The High Priestess is your highest self, the intuitive all-seeing part of you. She can see much deeper than whatever crisis is happening in the current moment. She has knowledge that you can access if you listen. She might also bring comfort to your daughter. My daughter and I have talked a lot about the difference between our anxiety and our High Priestess. Messages from the High Priestess give us a sense of calm. When we are receiving messages from our anxiety, things feel chaotic and out of control. Anxiety makes us feel bad, but the High Priestess never scolds or shames. If the worry that you're having feels awful or makes you feel shame, then it's not a message from the High Priestess. Even confronting messages from the High Priestess do not feel bad, because they are hard truths that make your spirit say, "Okay, yes." My daughter and I call our intuition/High Priestess our "Witch's Mark" (hence the name of this whole project). I find that with my own child, trying to distinguish between intuition and anxiety can be a useful exercise.

Either way, your High Priestess knows how to help you. The tarot suggests you get quiet, meditate, listen. Don't try to exert your control over your daughter, or try to fix her problems for her. Help her instead to listen to the kindest voice inside her. And allow yourself to breathe and take things slow – you have everything you need within.

Card 8 - Environment - Seven of Swords

The Seven of Swords is a card about deception, delusion, manipulation, lying to yourself or others, avoidance or denial. In this placement in the spread, it suggests that your environment may be experiencing a sense of denial. Maybe you see your daughter struggling when others do not, or when others think it's "not that big of a deal." This is a moment to trust yourself. Maybe there are things you sense would help her, or ways you think the family could better support her, but making changes feels difficult. The tarot reminds you to trust your instincts. It's hard to face uncomfortable truths, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Drag the truth into the light. In order to do that, slowing down may be necessary. I know that when I'm in fight or flight mode, denial is the only way to get things done. But this spread suggests that this moment and this challenge require deliberate choices and effective listening. If there are things you've said yes to that you can get out of, go for it. Whatever obligations you are dreading should fall away. This is a moment to go into hermit mode, to prioritize yourself and your family and create boundaries that will allow you to listen to your intuition. Everything else is noise.

Card 9 - Hopes and Fears - Queen of Wands

To me, this Queen is you. The Queen of Wands is a master of creativity and passion. She's a fiery artist, full of ideas, bursting at the seams with inspiration. She's passionate about her artistic endeavors. She's confident, optimistic, charismatic, inspiring, funny, and intense.

The Queen of Wands knows what she wants and goes after it.

Are you afraid that your daughter's struggles are pulling you away from your life's work, your passion, and your identity?

I know that when I'm dealing with hard kid stuff, I get scared that I'll never get back to my own work. Mom mode sometimes feels like its cannibalizing the other parts of me, the parts that make me feel sane or like myself. The tarot reminds you that this is fear, but it isn't real. You are the Queen of Wands, and your creativity and passions will not change even if you take a little time to rest or get quiet. The tarot also doesn't suggest you stop working entirely, just that you prioritize some inner work, meditation, and rest. All of these quiet modes will help you with your daughter but also with your own struggles, grief, and heartbreak. Sometimes stress, especially stress like what we're experiencing right now in LA, feels like action. We don't experience it as stress in the moment because we are making things happen, we're moving, we're maybe even feeling temporarily happy because we're busy. But action and anxiety can also quickly become denial. If we don't take a moment to stop moving, we'll burn out.

Card 10 - Possible Future Outcome - Ten of Swords and Queen of Cups

I picked two cards for this position, because the first card I chose was the Ten of Swords, and I wanted some clarity about what that meant. The Ten of Swords is a low point, rock bottom even. It's where the rubber hits the road and there's nowhere to go but up. That's obviously kind of a shitty card to pull as a "possible future outcome" but fear not: I think what the tarot is saying is that things with your daughter might get harder before they get better. That's the bad news, obviously, but it's to be expected. Your daughter was struggling with anxiety before her hometown caught on fire. It's only natural that the next few weeks will feel a little worse. Kids are emotional sponges. They're little untrained empaths, picking up on and absorbing the emotions and stress around them, without the skills yet to differentiate between what belongs to them and what belongs to someone else. The next few weeks are gonna be tough for the kids of LA. Their classmates, friends, family members, teachers, and neighbors have lost homes. Their parents are freaked out and unsure what comes next. Her anxiety may present itself in new and challenging ways. This is a time to exercise your intuition and listening skills. Try your best to be receptive rather than reactive.

The other card is the Queen of Cups, the Mother of the Tarot. She is a master of emotion and relationships. She's intuitive, nurturing, beautiful, kind, generous, sensitive, artistic, compassionate. I don't see the Ten of Swords and the Queen of Cups as an either/or scenario. This is one of those "both and" moments. Things may temporarily get harder, but you've got the Queen of Cups in your corner. Your empathy and intuition are well honed. If you approach your daughter's struggles with curiosity and an open-heart, your intuition will lead you to a deeper connection with her, and she's going to be okay. You're clearly an amazing mother. Your daughter is lucky you're hers.

Readers, as always, if you have other interpretations or questions about how I reached my interpretation, please leave a comment! And if you'd like me to read your cards, send me your question and what name I should use for you (either your actual name or an alias) to WitchsMarkEli@gmail.com.