Tarot Reading - MK

For this reading, I used The Somnia Tarot by Nicolas Bruno, a beautiful (creepy, haunting) photography deck inspired by dreams and nightmares.

MK asks:

I will become a first time mom this year (ahhh!). So, my question is: what can I do to best balance basking in my new motherhood and the continued pursuit of my very flighty but very meaningful writing career? 

Card 1 - Current Situation - The Emperor

The Emperor is a card of stability and structure. The Emperor has good boundaries and knows how to enforce them. The Emperor knows what she wants and how to get it. She is organized, disciplined, and stable, and she structures her life in a way that works for her.

You've got your routines, your career, and your life set up in a way that works for you now. Maybe there's even a little bit of rigidity in the way you've organized your life. Perhaps some of your worries might be about pulling back from productivity in favor of the more emotional aspects of what is about to happen to you. If you're a person who thrives on knowing what comes next, motherhood will toss your world upside down (but in the best way, I promise).

Card 2 - Challenge - Queen of Cups

The Queen of Cups is a beautiful, maternal card. And while this card is in the position of "Challenge," these two cards (The Emperor and the Queen) perfectly encapsulate your anxieties about what the future holds.

The Emperor is your adult/work life – your writing and the to-do lists and the financial stability that's required to be an adult in this world. And it's being challenged by this brand new identity you're about to embark on – motherhood.

Like the Queen of Cups (the mother of the tarot), motherhood is emotional, personal, visceral. As you mentioned in your question, you're looking for balance, but I think it's important to know that there will be no balance in the beginning. Early motherhood is a psychedelic experience, a complete overhaul of your identity and your emotional life. Suddenly you are obsessed with a person you only just met and who needs all of your attention to keep them alive.

This spread encourages you to let go of the reins a little and, to use your word, bask in your early motherhood. If you're actively worried about your career, the lack of sleep and the physical healing and the bonding that you're doing with your baby will feel like it's pulling you away from something you're supposed to be doing. The Queen of Cups is here to remind you that what you're about to do is going to open you up creatively in ways you could not even imagine. The Queen of Cups is maternal, giving, nurturing, but she's also deeply creative. You're about to access parts of yourself that you were unaware existed, parts that will elevate your creative process, but only if you let it.

This spread encourages you to give yourself the time to dive deep into this new maternal aspect of your identity, before you worry about anything else. How long that should be is up to you – it's less about how much time you take and more about allowing yourself to acknowledge that everything will change, and that's okay.

My writing process changed entirely when I had children. I resisted that change with my first child, and I berated myself for any time spent not working. Did that make me more productive? Absolutely not. Did it make me miserable? Yes!

The feeling that you're always running to catch up to something nebulous is a function of a capitalist society designed to play on your fears and ambitions. Don't let nefarious forces steal the beauty of this time from you. I highly recommend reading the book Matrescence: On Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood by Lucy Jones. This book dives deep into all of the scientific and physical changes that your body is undergoing in becoming a mother, and investigates maternal loneliness, cultural myths and norms about mothers, and is a really helpful reminder that even though motherhood is common, it is also extraordinary.

This is an adventure. Allow yourself some time to really explore this new part of your life. Allow yourself to acknowledge that everything is about to change, and that's okay. That doesn't mean your work will suffer – it probably means the opposite. If you allow yourself to feel it all, your creative, artist self may reach new depths you previously didn't know were possible.

Card 3- Need to Focus on - Ace of Pentacles

Pentacles are focused on the body and the material world. To begin with: this ace suggests that you will need to focus on healing, resting, and living in the moment. So much of our lives are about planning and the future, but new parenthood is an opportunity to live completely in the now. That can be a struggle or it can be a gift.

The Tarot suggests that as you step into motherhood, you allow yourself the time to bond with your child, to bask in the present moment, to heal and nourish your body. Motherhood is a forced embodiment, especially for a writer who may or may not spend much time thinking about their body. I know, for me, it was a rough landing into motherhood from a creative life of the mind. Suddenly I couldn't space out and think only about my fictional worlds, because I was on the schedule of a tiny human I loved more than anything and who's life was literally in my hands. I struggled with anxiety and staying present. I think a lot of that happened because I was clinging to my old identity instead of making room for metamorphosis.

Pentacles are associated with the element of Earth. Keep your feet on the ground. Take deep breaths. Breathe in that baby smell. It goes quickly (though sometimes it will feel glacial – and it's okay to feel that too, I promise it will seem short in retrospect). Your creative well will not go dry. It will actually fill up in new and completely unexpected ways. It's okay to take naps and take time.

Card 4 - Your Past/Leaving - The Moon

The Moon is about the watery world of the subconscious. It's a card of dreams and intuition. It can also represent mental illness, anxiety, or confusion. Are there fears you've been suppressing? Is your anxiety about work-life balance covering more nebulous worries about this monumental shift?

The Tarot suggests that certainty is in your future. That you're moving out of a period of confusion, apprehension, or worry. Whatever has been on your mind may end up winding its way into your creative work soon enough as the depths of your subconscious are brought to the surface as ideas. This is a fertile and creative time for you even if you don't write a single word for months. None of this time will be wasted. Be kind to yourself and trust the process. You are becoming.

Card 5 - Strengths - Knight of Wands

The Knight of Wands affirms your creative skill and passion. The Knight of Wands is a font of creativity, bursting with ideas, eager to to put thoughts into action. This is a strength of yours, and a reminder that motherhood will not get in the way of your writing. If you let it, motherhood will enhance your already creative and passionate mind. But it's time to get comfortable with change and get curious about your process.

Knights have the spirit of The Fool – a kind of blind faith that serves them well in creative endeavors. It's a good idea to keep a beginner's mind about what you're about to embark on. Your creative process may have to change – you may have shorter windows in which to work, you may require more rest, you may take three days to write non-stop and then not write for a month and a half. This is a time to remember that your creativity is your strength, and that the only constant in this world is change. Try something new. Practice breathing through change. Imagine change as a gift rather than a challenge. You have an opportunity to evolve your creative process. What does writing look like in your new life? Does it happen at different times of day? In different contexts? Do you write with music or in silence? If you've always done it one way, maybe try something new. Allow yourself to approach your creativity with curiosity and wonder. There are surprises and breakthroughs in store for you.

Card 6 - Near Future - Knight of Swords

Here's that certainty I was talking about earlier. You're moving away from the shadowy depths of The Moon into the certainty and clear communication of the Knight of Swords. The Knight of Swords is ambitious and full of vitality and energy. He knows what he wants and goes after it. The Knight of Swords is a card of action and determination. After a period of rest and bonding, you'll find your career exactly where you left it, but with the added bonus of a brand new prospective. You will undergo a metamorphosis in the coming months, and these changes will make you more determined and better able to manage your time and attention. You'll have less time for yourself, that's for sure, but you'll need less time if you can allow yourself to reimagine the way you work.

Card 7 - Advice - Seven of Swords

The Seven of Swords is a card about deception and denial. In the Rider Waite Colman Smith deck, a figure is depicted stealing swords from an enemy camp. This can be about trickery or manipulation, or it can be about the feeling of getting away with something. Let's explore both of these for a moment.

The feeling of getting away with something doesn't have to be a negative thing. Maybe when you return to your writing desk, the writing will be easier than it was when you left it. Maybe it'll feel like cheating a little as you get more done in less time. Maybe you'll experience that incredible feeling writers are always chasing – that you're channeling something rather than painstakingly authoring it. If that's the case, go with it. Don't berate yourself or question why it's easy. Take the win. Life is hard enough. And things will get hard again soon enough (the only constant is change).

The feeling of getting away with something is a familiar feeling to new parents. Your baby is a built in excuse to say no to things you don't want to do. Most people understand that new parents need rest and time – don't be afraid to bow out. Having childcare or help from family or friends shouldn't make you feel guilty or like you're taking some kind of shortcut. If those feelings pop up when you're trying to work (or have a little fun!), remind yourself that those guilt feelings are the work of patriarchy and bullshit. You're allowed to have time to yourself. You're allowed to have fun. You're allowed to maintain a sense of self. You do not need to subsume yourself for your child. And you're not getting away with anything. You're adjusting to a new normal. Give yourself grace.

There's another way that the seven of swords can be interpreted which is deception, delusion or denial. Having a baby is a hormone explosion in your body. It is a tender and raw time for anyone. If you get sad or depressed or feel stuck or hopeless, don't try to push that aside or deny those feelings. Most new parents have those moments, especially the birthing parent. I certainly did. Be honest with yourself and others about all of it. You'll find camaraderie and strength in other people who have been through the same thing. If you're open with your friends about what you're feeling – the good, the bad, and the ugly – you'll find that you are not the only one who loves their baby more than anything and also occasionally wishes they lived alone in the woods. All of it is normal. Denial begets shame. Don't let it.

Card 8 - Environment - Four of Wands

The Four of Wands is a card of celebration. And that's exactly what this is. Make sure you take the time to celebrate the arrival of this new baby, and your new phase of life. The Four of Wands can be super literal – maybe this refers to a baby shower, for example. But also, this card is a reminder that you are loved and that there are a lot of people who are excited to welcome this baby into the world. For what it's worth, I wish I had done a bit more to welcome my mother self into the world. If I were to do it again, I might gather a couple of friends and do a little ritual casting off fears and welcoming new beginnings. Maybe I'd ask my friends to bring some small token to place on an altar in honor of who I am becoming. The ritual would focus on motherhood, not baby, and acknowledge the enormity of what's about to happen. There are a million ways to create a ritual, and you're a writer, I bet you could come up with something amazing. It can be exactly what you want it to be, but it's an acknowledgement of you and the powerful metamorphosis you're undergoing.

Card 9 - Hopes and Fears - Three of Cups

The Three of Cups is friendship, and it makes perfect sense in the position of "hopes and fears." It's completely natural to worry that your friendships will change with the arrival of a new baby, just as you are worried about your work. The truth is: things will change, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. In your journey as a mother, you will make new friends – some of my best friends in the world are people I met through my children.

Some of your relationships with your friends will shift, but the true friends, the people who know your heart inside and out, they'll stick around, they'll cheer you on, and they will be proud of the way you grow and change.

All long term relationships (romantic, platonic, creative, familial) require comfort with change. My best friend doesn't have kids and does not want them. We both feared what my having kids might do to our relationship, but you know what? We are closer than ever. She has known me in every iteration of myself, and I have known her in every iteration of hers. We've been a million different people in the time we've known each other, but we remain committed to our friendship. When we had moments of fear or hurt, we talked about it. She loves my kids and also, hanging out with her is an amazing reprieve from them. The trick is to face those feelings, to get comfortable with discomfort, and make sure the people you love know that you love them.

Card 10 - Potential Outcome - Six of Pentacles

The Six of Pentacles is a card of generosity and prosperity. This card reassures you that you do not need to fear a hit to your writing as you become a mother. New opportunities – financial, material, creative and otherwise – will open themselves up to you. Embrace change, be honest with yourself and others, take the time you need to rest, acknowledge the change your body, mind, and spirit have undertaken, and rest assured that you will emerge from your baby cocoon bursting with new ideas and creative energy. You'll probably be very tired. That's part of it. But don't fear the changes that are coming for you. This is an adventure. Get curious and excited – there are wonderful things coming your way.

Readers, if you have a different interpretation, or questions/comments, leave them in the comments! And if you'd like a reading, email me your question and what name I should use for you at WitchsMarkEli@gmail.com