Five of Swords

When people say,“we have made it through worse before”
— Clint Smith

all I hear is the wind slapping against the gravestones
of those who did not make it, those who did not
survive to see the confetti fall from the sky, those who

did not live to watch the parade roll down the street.
I have grown accustomed to a lifetime of aphorisms
meant to assuage my fears, pithy sayings meant to

convey that everything ends up fine in the end. There is no
solace in rearranging language to make a different word
tell the same lie. Sometimes the moral arc of the universe

does not bend in a direction that will comfort us.
Sometimes it bends in ways we don’t expect & there are
people who fall off in the process. Please, dear reader,

do not say I am hopeless, I believe there is a better future
to fight for, I simply accept the possibility that I may not
live to see it. I have grown weary of telling myself lies

that I might one day begin to believe. We are not all left
standing after the war has ended. Some of us have
become ghosts by the time the dust has settled.

Last week I gave you a reprieve from the conflict of the Five of Swords and instead wrote about my family’s celebration of the pagan holiday of Imbolc. A lot of you reached out to me about it, so I think I’ll write about all of the Wheel of the Year holidays (which will give me a good reason to celebrate them even when I’m feeling like crawling into a hole and living out the rest of my days covered in toxic sludge). The next one is Ostara on March 20 (Pagan Easter y’all — bunnies and eggs, no crucifixion).

In the meantime, we cannot hide from conflict any longer. Without further ado, let’s dive into the Five of Swords.

Swords are associated with the element of Air, and represent words, communication, and the conflicts that arise when our words are not chosen carefully or are purposefully (or accidentally) misconstrued. The fives are all tricky cards, cards about conflict, turmoil, struggle, scarcity, and friction, and the five of swords is no exception.

Trump is an agent of chaos in the mode of the Five of Swords all the time. He never thinks before he speaks, which is how you end up with the President of the United States brainstorming out loud to the world about forcibly removing two million people from their homes and holy land to build beachfront condos. In his first term, he did this all the time — “Is there a mechanism to get sunlight inside the body?” he posited, “What about using bleach?” he tossed off as a possible solution to a global pandemic from his bully pulpit, like your drunk uncle in his favorite chair holding the whole family hostage at Thanksgiving. Trump is not smart (not a very stable genius), but he is savvy, and he’s surrounded by snakes and vipers who know exactly how to extract what they want from him (compliments, supplication, obsequiousness, groveling). If you are willing to debase yourself to Dear Leader he will harm all manner of people on your behalf.

Since Trump took office, we’ve been in a Five of Swords moment. He speaks to the press constantly, pontificating about territory expansion and geopolitical upheaval without any regard for the consequences or implications of his words. How will the United States own Gaza, for example, without the use of military force? The war crime he's suggesting the United States commit is unlikely to happen, but there is very real damage caused by his words alone. We are all less safe in a world where Trump is saying horrific shit like this, giving terrorist organizations fodder for recruiting, putting our allies on edge, terrorizing two million people (half of whom are children) who have already lost everything, and throwing an already tenuous ceasefire deal into turmoil.

The reporting confirms that Trump’s spending freeze, the one that threw the entire government (and the world) into a panic, had not been vetted through proper communications channels before it was tossed out to the public. As Ezra Klein spoke about on a recent podcast, the loyalty tests Trump and his minions are requiring from anyone who works in government (or anyone who receives funding from the government) has a chilling effect on every day people who might be able to flag potential fallout or negative consequences before they happen. Why would you bring up your concerns if you might lose your job and be labeled a traitor, and/or doxxed by the richest man in the world? Fear and the extreme social pressure of a single entity echo chamber has broken down our government’s ability to work in less than a month.

The Five of Swords creates chaos, and in Trump’s America, chaos is the point. Every day I wake up wondering where the Democrats are, and every day I am disappointed by the mealy mouthed calls of “concern” from people who we elected to fight for us. There are moments of heroism and it seems that some of them are waking up — I highly recommend reading this letter from Attorneys General all over the country ordering hospitals to comply with anti-discrimination state laws and reinstate life-saving gender affirming care for minors. But it’s still horrifying that only three weeks into Trump’s term, California’s AG even has to send that letter to one of the top children’s hospitals in the world, Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles, who decided to preemptively comply with an executive order that called gender affirming care “chemical castration” (it’s not). Los Angeles. California.

America, you’re in danger, girl.

So what can we do? Is there an antidote for any of this? Or are we all supremely fucked. I know for me, being a mother in this moment has been extremely challenging, but it's also the only reason I haven't crawled into that toxic sludge hole I mentioned previously. Having children was an optimistic act for me — I wouldn’t have had children if I didn’t think the world would be worth living in in the future, and every single day, that belief is tested in ways that disturb and enrage me, but I remain glad I had kids (plus I love them more than anything in the world). Since there’s no way to cryogenically freeze them so that their childhoods can take place at a later, better date, I’ve got to engage every single day in the task of creating a better world and also find a way to make the present livable.

We are living in a swords era, there’s no doubt about that, but we can’t fight back from a five of swords crouch. The Five of Swords is what chaos troll Steve Bannon describes as “muzzle velocity” and “flooding the zone with shit.” Republicans do seventy things a day that break laws, norms, and customs, and that makes it feel impossible to address every single one. But feelings are not facts. They are relying on our nihilism. They want us to give up. They are actively pursuing a strategy that pushes people to self-deport.

Now, I’m not saying I don’t have a game plan to leave the country. I very much do. But I don’t want to leave, and I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure that I don't have to.

We’ve got to strategize, tell the truth, and hold people accountable. We’ve got to get local, get to know our neighbors, and protect the people who need protecting. Have you read about the six year old who was going to the school nurse every single day because she wanted to be sent home? She was nervous that her mother was going to be scooped up by ICE and she’d never see her again. Is that the kind of world we want our kids to live in?

Did you see the photo opp of Trump surrounded by white girls in sports uniforms as he signed an Executive Order excluding trans women from sports? Did you know that of the thousands of athletes in the NCAA, only about ten of them are trans women? Does that feel like a great use of the US government’s time? Bullying ten young people who just want to play games human beings made up FOR FUN? What the fuck are we doing here? Rage radiates out of my eyeballs as I look at this picture. I hope every single girl in that room never scores another goal in her life. I hope someday she understands that she has sold out her sisters to protect patriarchy. I don’t like to radiate hatred toward young women, and some of these girls are pretty young so I should probably direct my ire at their asshole parents (don't worry, I do). But women and girls, please, let' s not do this. Let’s not let men tell us who we are or what we are capable of. Do not let men tell you that childbearing or a uterus is what makes you a woman. Trans women are women and they are our sisters in this movement. If you believe in bodily autonomy and the right to choose a life where you are not an incubator, it is imperative that you fight for your trans sisters right to self determination as well.

Have you seen the photos of trans and non-binary kids protesting outside of New York hospitals where they were once treated with medical care that every expert agrees is the gold standard? Do you want to live in a country where an eleven year old has to beg adults to see them for who they are? The first thought I had when I saw these photos was deep sadness. The second thought was “I wish the photo hadn’t shown their faces because now I'm worried about their safety.” Is that the country we want to live in?

If you read this newsletter, I’m pretty sure you’re with me, so I won’t keep going down the depressing list of all the ways our democracy is crumbling. But here’s what I will say: We have to combat the five of swords with other elements of the suit. Truth. Honesty. Simplicity. Persuasion.

I hate to say it, because there’s nothing I want to do less than talk to someone who cannot see the humanity of others, but we’ve got to get out of our comfort zone. We have to show folks that there is another way, and allow people to see the light and change their minds. I truly believe this starts locally (it certainly isn't going to happen online – there is no point in arguing with trolls on the internet).

Our schools need to be places where children feel safe and seen. If your children are in public school, there is an all out war being waged on their ability to even learn history. We need to put pressure on our lawmakers every single day. We also need to fill in the gaps with our kids. Conservative parents are screaming bloody murder about their children being taught about civil rights or that it's okay to be yourself. We can get loud too. None of us should concede our children's right to knowledge or our teachers' right to teach. For that matter, we also need to get loud about the separation of church and state.

If your kid is in a private school where you have more sway, I urge you to pressure your school's leadership to protect trans kids. There are a number of ways they can do this, but the most important way is teaching children when they are young that trans people exist, that they are part of our communities, and that they deserve respect and autonomy just like everyone else does. If your school celebrates Black History Month (if they don’t, make sure they start), they should also be celebrating LGBTQ+ icons like Marsha P. Johnson.

None of us should give our schools over to bigotry because administrators are afraid to ruffle the feathers of a handful of bigoted parents. This is a moment for doubling down on our values, for drawing a line in the sand about our beliefs. Schools can't sit on the fence when there are kids afraid for their lives. If you are the parent of cisgender children, putting this pressure on your school administrators on behalf of others is a key act of allyship. Parents of trans children are terrified right now. They fear that pushing too hard for their kids could out them and make them a target. When parents of cis kids stand up for trans children, it makes the community safer for everybody. When you teach your cis children about the diversity of gender identity, you are sending a message that you are the kind of parent who values whoever your child becomes, and that you are a safe space for any kind of conversation, no matter what. Your kid does not have to be trans for that message to resonate. And by the way, most kids aren't trans (in spite of what the Republicans would have you think, children learning that trans people exist is not going to turn them trans). In spite of the volume of the conversation and the hundreds of millions of dollars of advertising the Trump campaign spent to push a bunch of hateful (and flat out wrong) shit about trans kids, trans people still only make up about 1-2% of the population of the United States.

Everyone should pick a lane. In 2016, many people were protesting for the first time. It was exciting and important, but not always precise or targeted. Nearly ten years later, it's time to focus our attention. Trump and his cronies are flooding the zone so that we freak out about every single thing that’s happening every day and can't adequately respond to anything. Personally, I think our activism would be more effective if everyone focused their attention and increased their capacity. Meaning: if your issue is trans kids, let that be your issue. Push that issue everywhere you can, talk to your friends and family, write to your representatives, call your senator. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about abortion or vaccines or undocumented families, but if you pick too many things you’re going to get overwhelmed and flame out. As you get your sea legs, you can add issues to your plate if you have the capacity. When you are focused on a single issue, you get to see and participate in the wins. Victories are important for increasing our capacity. 

When your friends who are focused on other issues invite you to show up, donate, or take action, do it! But you don't need to be in charge of knowing everything that is happening with every single issue all the time. That is a recipe for burn out, and we need everyone rested and able to keep fighting for the long haul.

We combat chaos with organization. We combat nihilism with action. Every single one of us is living in community with people who are viscerally terrified — who’s lives are being actively threatened every single day on a global stage by the most powerful men in the world. You may not know who in your community is trans or undocumented, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. It is incumbent on all of us to make sure that all members of our communities know that we are with them, and we are not going to leave them behind.

This quote from the New York Times article, "Amid Concern Over Trump Order, New Yorkers Rally to Support Trans Youth" really brought it home for me:

“Zohran Mamdani, a Democratic mayoral candidate and a state assemblyman from Queens, said he attended the rally “to stand up for these children.”

‘You need not even know a trans New Yorker to stand up for trans New Yorkers,’ he said. ‘This is a trial of all of us to see who we are willing to give up. And our answer is no one.’”

If we lament what is happening and do nothing, then we are going to give up a lot of people. So, now is the moment to encircle the people you love, and expand that circle as much as you can. Get really clear on your priorities and where your talents and abilities lie. There are a lot of ways to help, but we all have to do something. Pick a lane you’re passionate about. Passion will fuel you when the going gets tough. Learn everything you can about the lane you’ve chosen. Learn who the experts are and who is leading the charge and then offer them support.

Don’t throw up your hands and decide it’s over or we have no power to affect change. Don't leave your fate in the hands of Democrats (we can't let the bystander effect paralyze us, we are the only ones who can save us). Donald Trump and Elon Musk may not give a shit about democracy, but that doesn’t mean democracy is over. Don’t let them shift reality to their nefarious ends. They think they can tell us “This is how it is now” and we’ll believe them. Fuck that. These people are goons and bullies and creeps. They are supported by autocrats and tech billionaires who are, at worst, morally bereft and at best morally neutral in pursuit of unconscionable wealth. They can spend money to escape the worst effects of climate change, they never have to worry about paying medical bills. These are not the people who should lead us or who have our best interests in mind. The Trump White House wants us to think they are protecting women’s sports (a thing they’ve never cared about nor will ever care about — these are people who have literally said that women SHOULDN’T VOTE OR WORK), when in reality they are doing everything in their power to protect the gender binary in order to keep women subservient to men. 

The future is not written. And just because things feel horrible right now, and we’re in the midst of the fight of our lives, does not mean that they’ve already won. This is a time to dig in, to stay nimble, to practice media literacy, to get off your phone and into your neighborhood. Let’s look each other in the eye and say, “I will not let them come for you.” And let's mean it. Okay? Okay, let’s do it.

Take a second if you can and donate to the ACLU who is fighting the good fight for trans kids and others in our judicial system (so far the part of our democracy that seems most likely to hold).